I’ve Said This Before (And I’ll Say It Again)

Cell phones can cause cancer.

I believed it from the very first moment I heard it many years ago. It seems inevitable when there’s radiation (regardless of “low” levels) involved.

Here’s more proof for those of you who refuse to use ear pieces. I would hate for you to trust your surroundings/the government and believe otherwise.

If this is controversial to you, so be it. It could be the difference between having a brain tumor/not having a brain tumor.

It’s a new year. Controversy will be part of it. Always has.

Ode to 2012

Yep, I meant 2012.

It’s always amazing to see the Year Lists…What happened, which celebrities died, divorced, married, etc. 2011 was a doozy but then every single year is a doozy in retrospect. It always amazes me what can and does take place in 12 months.  12 months! 

This year I hope plan to have everything–everything–improve. Ev.ver.ree.thing. Not some things, everything.

Health. Not that I’m sick.

Relationships. Not that I’m alone.

Finances. Yep, still broke.

Writing life. Finally found focus. Ok, a little bit of focus.

Art life. Done with that. (Artists, don’t shoot. I’m weary of lugging art around, negotiating prices, hoping beyond hoping that a sale is just around the corner…It rarely is.)

From this year forward I will focus on things that make me happy, useful, peaceful, content and vital. Nothing less.

Here’s wishing you the best year of your life so far.

I wonder what we’ll/they’ll write about THIS year a year from now, what we’ll be ode to. Hopefully pain only.

10 Annoying Christmas Week Observations

I refuse to be held responsible for the following remarks.

1.  People in SUV’s who think they should fit their behomoth into a parking space designed for a normal sized car so that when owner of normal sized car returns to parking space they cannot open their driver’s door to get inside of their normal sized car.

2.  Clueless people who bump into you repeatedly with their big square shopping bags filled with crap they purchased for relatives they don’t even like very much but need aforementioned relatives to think they’re big spenders.

3.  Crowded food courts with people in festive ugly Christmas sweaters chomping on Chik-Fil-A waffle fries as if they’ve never eaten before, complete with gaped open mouths displaying masticated French fries. And ketchup.

4. Ugly Christmas sweaters. Especially the ones with bells hanging from them.

5. The color red EvERYWHeRE.

6. The colors green and red everywhere.

7.  Holiday tunes blaring from random speakers. I think I heard “Frosty the Snowman” piped into the highway here in D.C.

8.  Glitter. I loathe glitter to my innermost fibers.

9.  Parents pulling their kids’ arms to come closer to Santa to take a picture on his ample lap as he hides behind a fake beard with bits of yesterday’s lunch break still stuck to it.

10.  Myself. For being so annoyed by it all. Every year, same thing. You’d think I’d have mastered the art of ignoring people by now.

P.S.: If you’d like to purchase this sweater it’s on ebay (not mine; have no idea who the seller is) here.

Obnoxiously Loud Commercials Get the Boot From F.C.C.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

Years ago a relative and I mused that the television commercials were noticably louder than the regular programming. I mean, one of us would leave the room during a commercial break and suddenly a man (rarely a woman) would be yelling all the way through the house about Subarus for sale or prescription drugs or designer men’s suits!!!!

It was particularly a nuisance when it was late at night where one had the volume set just right so as not to awaken any others and then suddenly the volume would fluctuate. Babies would awaken. Dogs would bark. Toaster ovens would pop up without prompting. It was plain ugly.

Then today I read this. 

Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Tired of Big Companies bullying us, subliminally controlling us and then yelling at us to do, to buy whatever they’re yelling about.

I knew we weren’t imagining deliberate higher volumes.

Snicker, snicker, snicker.

Random Grumblings, Etc.

1. Black Friday has become so ridiculous. I mean, people are sleeping outside to save a few dollars to basically later watch crap on a television they scored at a discount.

2.  It’s astounding how many people wear flip-flops in November. Astounding.  And not just flip-flops…flip-flops with winter coats with fur on the hood.

3.  I could live on an island without water. In a compound home with rolling hills devoid of most people. Which leads me to:

4.  People–random people–are incredibly annoying. I seem to lack the required skills to deal with most of them.

5.  I need therapy. Stat.

6.  I can’t help but wonder where or how all of the people who squat in Starbucks for free WiFi pay their rent. I see them in there surfing for nothing.  And they’re serious about surfing for nothing.  (I only go in there to use the bathroom or get ice water. Me no drinky coffee.)

7.  This guy gives me the creeps.

8.  I always feel stuck when out with friends or whomever and they ALL want to go to McDonalds. I loathe McDonalds. It’s an evil empire. Why, I could write a book on McDonalds but it’s already been done well. So there I am stuck between mysterious meat byproducts on a bun and recycled grease clinging to fries. It really bites.

9.  Public displays of flatulence are the worst.

10.  Is it spring already?

11.  Oy.

Giblets 2 U

If I knew who constructed this card, I’d SO give them kudos…Ha! Ha! Ha! And if you’ve been living under a rock, this is for you.

 

Uh-Oh

If y0u really think about it, I’m sure the government, the police and all the powers that be are really, really concerned about what this will look like in, say, six months. I mean, we’re only two months in and 99% or even 50% of an angry nation surely has them shitting bricks.

 

The Chicken Folks

As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, one of the things I love about it is seeing the actual internet searches that landed people to this site.

The thing that’s really peculiar to me is the perpetual search for chicken.

I mean, people are searching for “chicken leg piece”, “chicken drumstick”, “chicken head”, “chicken face”–you name it.

Then today I had a new thought regarding all those folks in search of chicken stuff.

Perhaps there are a lot of restaurants/delis/etc. out there in need of chicken (food) images to paste on their menus. I dunno.

I personally don’t eat chicken, what with my ongoing therapy neurosis and all, but apparently there is some serious chicken eatin’ going on out there.

11/11/11

This only occurs one day every 100 years.

Reads the same backwards and forward.

The reason the date is so unusual is that 11.11.11 is the only double-figure palindromic date, since there is no 22nd month.

I wonder how many kids will turn 11 today.

I wonder what I’ll be doing at 11:11 today. Tonight.
 
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2059313/11-11-11-11-11-11-Fridays-lifetime-moment.html#ixzz1dP9cT3GT

Pumpkins, Pumpkins Everywhere

Oy.

I have a vent to make.

A pumpkin vent. A big, orange, round, heavy pumpkin complaint.

For some reason the pumpkin frenzy, the ubiquitous pumpkinpalooza is driving me crazy this October.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I LOVES PUMPKINS, especially the cute itty bitty ones that cost, like, $1.00 and you can place it right there on your desk or coffee table or kitchen counter.

I also love pumpkin bread, especially properly made pumpkin bread–not the kind with random debris in it–seeds, walnuts, sprinkles crap– ugly tongue surprises when you just wanted to chew into some nice smooth soft bread. (Any suggestions for great pumpkin bread: leave in comments section or private e-mail. THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE.)

But this whole orange world that I’m currently surrounded by is really annoying me.

REALLY

ANNOYING

ME.

I think I saw one on top of a really huge hideous SUV.

Or was it atop a McMansion roof?

Perhaps I dreamt that I saw one being pushed down the street in a baby stroller.

I’m pumpkin’d out already.

I’m, like, the pumpkin scrooge. The Grim Pumpkin Reaper. I have pumpkin “rage.”

But then I just had a thought. A very disturbing thought…

After PumpkinVille I’ll be bombarded with Christmas crap.

Oy infinity.

I swear, I need to live in a compound somewhere where I can control the very daily images that enter my retinas.

Carry on out there.