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10 Things I Will Do This Year

4 Jan

1.  Eat more raw foods. I know, boring but since there’s a cancer/disease connection with what we eat & how our bodies react, I’ll just be bored to death with raw broccoli rather than keeled over in chemo. (Except on lemon bar Fridays.)

2.  Watch less news. I’m sooooo tired of the redundant, never-ending rambling of 24-hour news. I still groan when there’s “Breaking News!!!!!” that covers a police chase in Dayton, Ohio for the entire millions of viewers to follow who live nowhere near Dayton. With supposed interest.

3.  Tone my thighs. They’ve never been toned. They’re jiggly and plain annoying when I stare at them hard. I simply cannot ignore them anymore. I want them rock hard with nickels bouncing off of them and rolling across floors.  Carpeted floors.

4. Not wear a bikini. I’m so over it. I could care less if in middle age I can sport a spandex version of a bra & panties in public. At a beach. Or poolside. Who freggin’ cares? I’d rather focus on helping out people in various binds.

5. Stop saying stuff like “the homeless.” What is that? Who is that? People without a home to call a home are, well, people.  I dunno what it is precisely about that term but it vexes my innermost bits.

6.  Be more patient. (This one makes me a tad afraid. I’m beyond impatient. I glare at the back of people’s heads when they wait until after their 345,608 items are scanned across the checkout before deciding to begin writing out their check, which for some is like a thesis paper.) Less nostril flaring, more pretending to be OK with things.

7.  Imagine myself in other’s shoes. My BF of late has been teaching me this. I blaze through towns like a blazing fire. Or a windy wind. Or an itchy itch.

8.  Inhale less chemicals. I don’t know precisely how I will accomplish this but it sounds good. And healthy.

9.  Become wealthy. Yep, money is a big deal to me especially having been poor and poorer for the past couple of years. There. I’ve stated it: I WILL BE WEALTHY THIS YEAR, MONETARILY. (And I don’t care if it sounds materialistic or not.)

10.  Stop dwelling on yesterday/yesteryear. I’m so tired of explaining to myself what went wrong with everything under the sun. It’s like a cognitive disability.

There. What will YOU do this year?

(I know you’re out there; I have stats to prove it.)

Most Searched For…

2 May

The very interesting thing about having a blog is seeing the search terms people use that landed them at your tiny piece of internet real estate.

Although sometimes the search terms/words are rather disturbing, I must say. What are people THINKING in the privacy of their homes searching for random body parts and teeth subjects?

And why did it lead them to MY blog?!

There was one post I did that brought tons of traffic. In fact, it was so disturbing that I had to remove the post altogether. Talk about weirdos. I just pictured pot bellied middle-aged men wearing way too tight ribbed tank tops with their severely hairy shoulders exposed slouched in darkened rooms Googling a particular word and ending up here. Ewwwwwwwwwww.

The most common search terms that lead people to this blog  have been:

the Hollywood sign, particularly at n.i.g.h.t. (dots deliberate)

I wonder why so many people Google that.

author Anne Lamott

I know! I get it; I LOVE HER.

TV Commercial Work

Seems there are lots of folks wanting/trying to break into television commercials. I get it. I do. Especially as a long-term cubicle dweller with paper cuts. I SOOOO get it.

actor Scott Patterson

I still love this man, more than Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. Luke has taken up residence in my heart. I’ll probably be 100 years old and still watching tattered DVD’s of “Gilmore Girls” reruns ’cause of Luke Danes.

lemon coolers

Good to know I’m not the only one who remembers/appreciates these wonder cookies from childhood.

I often wonder what people think when they land here and they were looking for something totally different. I mean, they came hunting the “Hollywood sign at night” only to stumble upon the ramblings of an ornery, shifty right-brainer who’s not even consistent with posting.

Ah, but that’s the beauty of the internets. Detours. Frustration. Serendipity.

Reasons to Become a Hermit (& Other Observations)

18 Apr

I don’t know if it’s old(er) age or what, but I’m finding the human species to be more and more–how do I put this?–annoying. Nope, too lite of a word.

I’m finding people everywhere to be just loathsome. I know, strong word.

There’s no way to fully document it here and of course there would not be enough bandwidth in the world to fully describe people’s nuances, neurosis, sheer cluelessness, etc., etc., but for an ink dot of a start:

1.  Do people notice themselves? I mean, truly notice their presence in the world?

Random encounters this week that heavily connect to point #1:

A man deeply picking his nose on a super public bench. I mean, there was true excavation involved. The more he dug, the more I feared heavy bleeding and a call to 911 from random passersby.

People who stand way too close to you anywhere,in a line at the grocery store, at Starbucks, at the tax office, wherever. I mean, they will COUGH on your neck and then when you turn around to give them The Eye they will have the audacity to say to you “Is there a problem?”

I can’t even write any more. I cannot. I can’t even go to point # 2. I swear, I need to hurry up and get health insurance again so I can go to a really good therapist and learn to deal with PEOPLE.